“You were destined for a pauper’s grave.”

You wouldn’t think listening to depressing songs would cheer a person up… or maybe you would. Maybe you know.

I am undergoing stress lately, so I listen to sad songs from the ’90s and it cheers me up. Or maybe what I’m actually doing is listening to the sad ’90s songs that got me through my last custody battle, and they are reminding me that I have nothing to fear in this recent custody battle. (Other than attorney’s fees.) Because I’m still a good mom. In fact, I’m a better mom now than I was then. And Steven Malkmus and Ben Folds validate this feeling within.

speaking of

Okay, who knows what happened after Ben Folds Five recorded that song using Ben Folds’ dad’s answering machine message? What did his dad say? Was he amused? Embarrassed? Proud? I imagine he was proud, but I wish I could get an anecdote on that. Wikipedia has nothing. What, then, is the purpose of Wikipedia? I have to wonder, because it’s sorely failed me in this regard.


Last night, as I read the kids their latest Harry Potter chapter, we got to the part of the book where Harry learns the astonishing, shocking, hardcore truth.

Usually my kids like to crack little jokes throughout the readings, or else poke each other and poke the cat, but this time everyone was listening, silent as heck, mouths agape.

“That’s sorry,” my middle son finally said, upon the conclusion of the chapter. His brothers agreed. What happened to Harry Potter was sorry.

I’m now gearing up — gathering the emotional strength — to read them the next chapter. AKA, the Tear Jerking Chapter. Y’all who read the book know which one I’m talking about.

I was telling my friend Joolio about this — the Boy Who Lived and The Chapter That Awed — and he asked if I purposely read the book in a dramatic way.

“Well, yeah,” I said. “I try to do different voices and stuff. You know. You can’t read aloud if you’re gonna do it lame.”

He said that he not only did voices, but he would also do dramatic hand gestures when reading to his kids. (Back before they turned to teenagers.) He said they’d tell him, “How did the monster do it, Dad?” and he’d have to do the gestures again. He did his monster gesture and I had to laugh.

But I wasn’t laughing at his monster. I was laughing because it’s kind of awesome to read your kids a story and have them enjoy it, and people who don’t know that are missing out.

I said this before, I know. But I’m still thinking about it, because reading my kids Harry Potter is one of the best things going on in my life right now. Just like it was nice when we got into the van last night and the old ’90s songs came on, and my middle son said, “I remember this song. Isn’t this Ben Folds Five?” He’s a musical genius, that one. He remembers every song he’s ever heard.

weight-loss update

Don’t think I’m being insecure, but I have something I need to say, to clarify.

Remember how I told y’all I lost 31 pounds? (It’s 32 now.) Well, I meant that I lost the 32 pounds I’ve gained since 2003.

So, if you haven’t seen me since 2003, you won’t notice anything different.

That’s all. Just wanted to disclose. Don’t want anyone to think I’m misleading, here. For the record, I am still proud of this accomplishment. The other day I told my boyfriend, “Look. These are the pants I wore on our first date! They fit me again!”

He was like, “Oh, wow.” But non-chalant. He’s a very good boyfriend and therefore doesn’t get too excited about the weight loss. I love him.

I was supposed to have lost 33 pounds by Wednesday, but I’ve only lost 32. Sighz. Okay, onward.

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Posted in domestic, parenting, vanity on 11/02/2007 05:35 pm

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