Oh my god.

Again, I feel like I can’t say anything because this site, being public, is so censorable. What if someone reads it and decides not to give me a job? Oh, no…

I just got slightly sad news but it didn’t make me feel sad. I feel okay. So now I’m trying to figure out if I really am okay (that is, growing a thicker skin), or if I’m just processing the news so I can get sad later.

I think it’s that it’s very close to spring here, and that’s the only thing that matters lately.

Now, suddenly, I want to win the lottery. I want to lose all responsibilities, give up, lie on my back in a stream and just float. With money. Without worries. With nice dinners for my children.

Actually… I feel very virtuous this week because I finally finished my taxes last week. It feels good to finish big res-pon-si-ble things like that and then never, ever worry about them again. until next year.

Specs and Blends

I have questions.

1. Don’t you think that people who work in liquor stores would do well to give you good recommendations, as opposed to pushing the wines that they get a few bonus dollars to push? Because, if, say, the blonde chick at Specs doesn’t suggest something really good, how will I ever trust her again? And then, why would I shop in her store anymore?

2. Why do they always suggest/push the blended wines? Seriously, why? I have never had a blended wine I liked. Why do people even make or sell them?

3. Am I cheap? Am I a cheap wine floozy? Maybe I only like low quality stuff. Even though I think my pallette (oops, I’m spelling that wrong) continues to mature. I think I’m half-way there, as far as decency in wine taste goes. But how do you know? Also, if you really like cheap wine, is that so wrong? Is it something to be ashamed of as you go up the ladder of life? I hope not. I used to like Little Debbie cakes, and now I would never eat them, but I don’t hate the person that I used to be. No, I love her. I’m glad to have known her.

4. Do you like gin?

Ha, ha

When do you have enough, and when do you give up? Those are two completely separate things. But, seriously, I want to know. When do you have enough money or success? Will you never be happy if you can’t seem to stop? Will you get rich and then still not be satisfied? Or do the periodic vacations make it worth it?

Contrariwise, when do you give up? When do you (other people) admit you just don’t give a shit anymore? Can you ever truly be happy, without demons chasing you every night, telling you that you’re a freaking loser if you don’t try, try again, if you don’t do everything in your power to put your children far out of reach of poverty’s jaws? How? Especially if you don’t have upper-middle-class parents to fall back/leech on, I mean? How is it possible? Is it, or not?

I will erase this in the morning.

Or else I just won’t. Seriously, what does it matter? If you’re reading this and it’s upsetting you, there’s nothing I can ever write that will help you, or convince you of my goodness. So desert me. I don’t care. I’m happy alone.

I’m going to plant a garden in March sometimes. If that doesn’t balance my universe, nothing will.

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Posted in venting on 02/27/2007 01:24 am
 
 

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