Sad Monkeys
I’m going to tell you what Rose and I talked about more than a week ago. Look:
Monkeys want cell phones but get rebuffed.
This is a sad story. Monkeys live at the zoo. They see humans using cell phones. The monkeys, then, want cell phones of their own.
Give the monkeys cell phones!
But no. Instead, the keepers “train” the monkeys not to want cell phones anymore. They do this by giving them old, broken cell phones coated with “sticky substances” that the monkeys “don’t like.” The monkeys learn to stay the hell away from the phones after that.
Man, that’s cold-blooded. Give the monkeys cell phones. They want them. They don’t need them, but neither does anyone else, right? The keepers say the monkeys are supposed to live “naturally,” but how natural is it to live in a zoo?
I say, give the monkeys cell phones and pre-program each phone with the numbers and photographs of the other monkeys. Give them ring tones. Let them upgrade to Razors (and Rzzrs and Crzzrs) for rebatable bananas.
It’s not like you’re giving them guns, or heroin, or carb-laden treats.
Let the monkeys have cell phones. They want them.
Paid for by the woman whose kids have sticky cell phones and broken Game Boys all over their cages.
