because I have been inspired.

Now, all I have to do is think of 25 new things to tell y’all, apart from the stuff divulged in the 100 things meme I did back in 2005, and apart from all the other stuff I’ve told y’all over the past 12 years.

Easy!

1. I’m going to do a reading/event tonight in which I’m supposed to talk about my creative process(es). For that, I’ve decided to give a 5-minute history of my writing career. It’s my first time doing anything like that, so I’m kind of nervous. But I’m always kind of nervous about all the events I do, no matter how new or old the material. Unless they’re readings for little kids, that is.

2. I feel that the best Easter candy is Russel Stover’s creme eggs, in coconut-in-dark-chocolate flavor.

3. I like to go to the grocery store with my fiance. That’s, like, a serious date night activity for us. Sometimes I think it’s because we both experienced hard times in our youth. But usually I don’t try to analyze it.

4. I’m getting married on May 23rd. (THIS NEXT PART IS SECRET – SHH:) At first I was a little bit sad because my future in-laws didn’t think I was the right person to marry their son. Not sad enough to let it stop us, or to dwell on it on a daily basis, but kind of disappointed. But, recently, my fiance talked to them about it, and they voiced their concerns… and now they’re coming to the wedding. And I’m happier/more relieved about that than I would have expected.

5. I’m actually a really good daughter-in-law. No one here knows that, because last time I served in that capacity, it was in a tiny town that no one cared to visit. And then I left my husband, effectively removing the possibility of further communication with my parents-in-law. But I know that they loved me, because they told me so, more than once. And I loved them. And I spent jillions of hours with them, and I did what I could to make their lives easier. And I enjoyed doing so, because that’s just the kind of crazy I am. And, I have to say here that my ex-mother-in-law was way, way, WAY more opposed to that marriage (and more vocal about it) than my current future in-laws have been. So, in general, I’m optimistic about the new in-law relationships I’m starting. I can rebuild them. I have the technology. I am… the $6 Million Daughter-in-Law. I’ve just been waiting for the paperwork to go through so I can begin.

6. I didn’t realize, until recently, how much I missed being a daughter-in-law.

7. If it were up to me, and no one’s judgment had any effect on my life, I’d cut my hair short and never wear makeup. It is up to me, I know, but I live in this world. In this world, prettiness can be a kind of armor. So I put on eyeliner every morning, just like a knight of old.

8. I turned 37 in December. A while back, something made me think that I was “almost in my forties.” So, since then, I keep thinking that. “I’m almost in my forties — I don’t have to deal with that.” “I’m practically 40 — I should know better.” “I’m in my forties now — shouldn’t I be doing [x] by now?” So now, in my mind, I’m in my mid-40s. I completely, mentally bypassed the last three years of my 30s. Weirdest part: I don’t mind. I like being in my 40s. It’s giving me an excuse to break old habits and try new things.

9. My favorite thing I’ve ever written is what I believe the fewest people have read: the very last story in my very first book. Every time I think about that, I imagine musicians I admire whose own favorite songs probably don’t match up with my favorites. And I have no sympathy for them, because I wouldn’t change my favorite Pavement songs, even if Stephen Malkmus hated those ones the most. And then, in turn, I have no sympathy for myself. So what if I like the ant story best? That doesn’t mean it’s the best one or the one that resonates with anyone else.

10. Sometimes I worry about Norm MacDonald. I was watching SNL, live, the night he accidentally said fuck and then immediately realized he’d get fired for it. He was fired. Then, after that, his career did a long, slow slide. I saw him on the Comedy Central Bob Saget roast, and he still looked sad, but you could also tell that his colleagues loved him. They joked about his gambling addiction. That made me worry about him more than before. I don’t know why I worry about him, in particular. But that happens to a lot of people, right? You feel some weird connection/intuition for a certain celebrity or stranger, and you carry them around in your mind, right? Like a lot of people worry about Jennifer Anniston, or like Ben Folds worried about Muhammad Ali. I worry about Norm MacDonald. I hope that he’s okay.

11. I fantasize about speaking every language.

12. I fantasize about having the psychic power to answer any question truthfully, and charging people (anyone) $500 a pop to answer their questions. Scientists’ questions would be answered during weekly press conferences, though.

13. I fantasize… not about having the power to heal people, but about having the power to prescribe the perfect diets for them. I mean the diets that would make them healthy and happy.

14. I fantasize about having the power to perform telekinetic, painless, instant platic surgery on people. Because, you know how you’ll see someone, and they’re obviously self-conscious about some aspect of their appearance? Like a mole or their teeth or something? Well, I fantasize about having the power to fix that for people, without them even knowing it’s being done.

15. All those fantasies mean that I’m a narcissist. Every time I take the personality disorder profile quiz thing, it says I’m mostly a narcissist. Which kind of annoys me, because I don’t believe that I am. But then, people I admire score high on narcissism, too, so at least I’m in good company. Second-highest scoring for me is OCD. So what? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Unless you’re a clean-freak OCD’er, like our friend Cathy, because then it’s just too much stress. (I like to converse with Cathy about various compulsions, but then I feel bad for her when she stresses about the cleanliness and germs.)

16. The score I don’t get, and the personality disorder for which I have the lowest tolerance? Is histrionic-ness.
That means “attention whores.” I especially hate being around attention whores who are boring — that’s the absolute worst. Second worst is catty attention whores who, for some reason, believe that I have something they want. Then they start trying to compete, and I never want to engage in that. I just want to get away. Actually… I’ve had histrionic friends, but they have to be interesting, and they have to have different taste in men, so that there’s no competitiveness. In that case, I’m okay with them.

17. Really, this isn’t 25 Random Things About Me. It’s 25 Things That Have Been on My Mind a LOT Lately, Because I’m Slightly OCD and Think About the Same Topics Over and Over Until I’m Sick of Them. Thank you for reading, if you’re still reading along.

18. I used to think that I’d hold my old grudges forever — you know, like “She’ll be sorry when I’m published and then I see her in public and she has to feel stupid about that time she said my writing was trite!” — but it turns out that I don’t. I work as hard as I can, and I forget about the old petty stuff because I feel like I’ve grown so far away from it. You know?

19. I worry about my kids way more than I let on. Sometimes I lie in bed at night having long, long strings of worries about them. But I choke it down because I don’t want to be like Nemo’s dad on that movie Finding Nemo. When I saw that movie, I cried super hard whenever his dad was on the screen. Because I totally empathized with that (fish) man, and I’ve never even had kids who were eaten by sharks. But, yeah, I don’t want to bum out my kids like that. So I keep that stuff to myself, as much as possible.

20. I’m proud of the way my kids have turned out, but don’t like to say that to people too often because it seems like a compliment to myself. But it’s (mostly) not — my kids are good kids. They were born good and worked to get better, independently of me or my parenting skillz.

21. Sometimes I want to post more pictures of my family online, but then I worry. Worry, worry, irrational worry….

22. I’m simultaneously excited and anxious about writing my next book.

23. I’m waiting to see if the last kids’ book I submitted will get published. Trying not to be anxious about that. The kids’ books get rejected way more often than you might imagine. Which doesn’t feel too fabulous, but it toughens me up. It’s all a business, you know. This writing stuff, I mean.

24. I feel bad/guilty/annoyed when I write an entry here and people feel compelled to reassure me about whatever I complained about. I always feel like I’m just venting/ranting/babbling, but then, if it comes off like whining or needing comfort, that bugs the crap out of me and I feel like I somehow betrayed myself. (But if it doesn’t sound like whining, but people just want to offer comfort/reassurance, anyway, then that’s okay.)

25. I don’t like to need anyone. I like to be independent.

Whew. I did it!

The end.

I got this meme from Drew.

The Rules:
Step 1: Put your iPod/MP3 player or iTunes on random.
Step 2: Post the first line(s) from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post it on your blog and let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Update the list with the song title when someone guesses correctly. (I will identify any unguessed songs by Monday.)
Step 5: Make your guesses by leaving a comment or sending me email. You have to identify both title and artist, and you’re not allowed to Google any of these, either.

Here they be:

1. “I said what you wanted to hear and what I wanted to say.”
Ben Folds Five, “Selfless, Cold, and Composed” [Joe Tank]

2. “They don’t know what they like so much about me.”
Liz Phair, “Nashville”

3. “I’m not a boy, I’m not a man…”
Prince, “I Would Die 4 U” [Stinkydog]

4. “Working on the weekend, baby, she’s working all through the night.”
Duran Duran, “Skin Trade” [John D.]

5. “Words like violence break the silence.”
Depeche Mode, “Enjoy the Silence” [Jeffytown, USA]

6. “I’m waiting for my man, twenty-six dollars in my hand.”
The Velvet Underground, “I’m Waiting for the Man” [Mr. Bean]

7. “I come from a long way away.”
The Clash, “Red Angel Dragnet” [Melissa]
(I made this one purple because Melissa guessed the right artist and album.)

8. “Buddy you’re a boy, make a big noise…”
Queen, “We Will Rock You” [Laura Lark]

9. “Turn on my VCR, same one I’ve had for years.”
The Police, “When the World Is Running Down” [Edith]

10. “Sleep, sleep tonight, and may your dreams be realized.”
U2, “MLK” [Candice]

11. “I waited til I saw the sun.”
Nora Jones, “Don’t Know Why” [Lumenatrix]

12. “That’s right, pleased to meet you, I still don’t wanna tell you my name.”
Vanity 6, “Nasty Girl” [Drew]

13. “Don’t let me hear you say life’s taking you nowhere, angel.”
David Bowie, “Golden Years” [Lumenatrix]

14. “All I can say is that my life is pretty plain.”
Blind Melon, “No Rain” [Lumenatrix]

15. “Can I look at faces that I meet, can I get my punk ass off the street?”
Third Eye Blind, “Graduate” [CJ]

16. “Tonight the city is full of morgues and all the toilets are overflowing.”
Beck, “Pay No Mind/Snoozer” [Laura Lark]

17. “I’d rather be the devil than be that woman’s man.”
Skip James, “Devil Got My Woman”

18. “And if I say to you tomorrow, ‘Take my hand child, come with me…'”
Led Zeppelin, “What Is and What Should Never Be” [Girl in Greenwood]

19. “Everyone, everyone around here, everyone is so near.”
Radiohead, “The National Anthem” [Candice]

20. “Like a fool I’ve went and stayed too long, now I’m wonderin’ if your love’s still strong.”
Stevie Wonder, “Signed Sealed Delivered” [Laura Lark]

[Apparently, in my case, this game could also be called An Exercise in Old, Moldy Gen-X Music.]

I AM: wearing a tiger-print top that I bought from TJ Maxx, even though I knew my boyfriend would wrinkle his nose at it. And he did. But I didn’t care, because the color is flattering (beige/black not yellow/black) and it makes me feel hungry like the wolf. If anyone comments on it, I plan to say, “I skinned it myself!”

I WANT: to have fun, and to do good things.

I WISH: I had some way of knowing that all my work will pay off, or that I’m on the right track, or at least that my children will have good lives.

I HATE: plagiarists.

I MISS: my children on the Christmases that they go to their dad’s. I miss them so much, it’s like I don’t have a Christmas at all. Also, I will miss them very much starting tomorrow, when they go to their dad’s for the summer. Every summer, I think I should get a cat or something so I won’t be alone… but then I realize that the cat would freak out when the kids returned, and therefore wouldn’t play with them. Also, pets are a pain in the ass. So are my kids, sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them more than anything else in the world.

I HEAR: Portland’s KIJZ FM, via HD Radio.

I WONDER: how my life will turn out.

I REGRET: not going to Vassar when I had the chance.

I AM NOT: as melodramatic as people may think. I simply prefer to express my emotions in hour-long bursts, and then revert to my normal apathy/stoicism/bored state. It’s easiest that way, I find. Otherwise, I’d simmer and seethe and be sad all year long.

I DANCE: in a very inhibited way, unless I’m drunk. I’m bigger than most people on the dance floor, most times. I don’t want to attract a lot of attention by moving too much. Unless I’m drunk.

I SING: pretty well, and it makes me happy to sing. I sing in my car when I drive to Austin alone. Some songs make me cry, and then, if I sing along to them, it gives me goosebumps along my arms and legs, and an electric feeling in my chest. I like to sing along with Bjork, Liz Phair, and Veruca Salt best. But I will sing anything that comes on the radio, too, no matter what genre or station. I like to sing along with that Toadies song “Possum King,” even though the lead singer of the Toadies was a massive prick to me when I met him in Dallas six or seven years ago. That’s a testament to how much I like to sing in the car alone. Even the songs of a prick are worth singing.

I CRY: during Sense and Sensibility, Spider-Man 2, and Bjork’s “All Neon Like”.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: as nice as I like to be.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: beads on strings.

I WRITE: books, blog entries, emails, poems, and outlines… and yet, somehow, I don’t write one quarter as much as I think I should be writing.

I CONFUSE: all the old white guys at my day job (if they have gray hair and don’t wear glasses, they all blend together in my mind), and several of the actresses in the magazines. Sienna Miller, Victoria Beckham, Chloe Sevigny, Alexis Bledel, Alexis Stewart… their faces slip out of my mind and I would never recognize them on the street.

I NEED: furniture. Since leaving my marriage six years ago, I haven’t quite managed to buy a proper household’s worth of furniture. Our apartment is filled with cast-offs and too-small dressers, supplemented by laundry baskets. My mattress and boxspring are still on the floor. I’m about to buy a house, but I have no furniture. I’ll probably have to buy some on credit, just so we won’t look freshly robbed.

I SHOULD: write more stuff and sell it so I can have more money.

I START: thinking up ideas for stuff to write, and then worrying that they aren’t good enough, or won’t sell, or that they’ll be a profitless waste of a year if I sit down to write them. It makes my stomach hurt.

I FINISH: things, once I sit down to do them. Books, necklaces, and arguments. I get them done.

Or, Yet Another Meme, stolen from vampire artist Danielaphant, along with the acronym.

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Breyer’s low carb ice cream sandwich rounds
2. Breyer’s low carb Eskimo-pie-like things
3. low-carb fake chocolate bars (This is getting depressing, isn’t it?)
4. sugar-free whatever
5. Mt. Olive baby dill pickles

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. Buy a really nice house.
2. Start a foundation.
3. Visit Tokyo.
4. Start a really cool, freaky magazine that would make no profit.
5. Buy a bunch of art.

5 bad habits:
1. Cursing.
2. Shit-talking.
3. Interrupting others.
4. Talking too loud.
5. Throwing the finger at other drivers, even if they’re Texas State Troopers who subsequently give me tickets, oops.

5 things I like doing:
1. Singing in my car alone.
2. Reading cheesy magazines.
3. Buying beads and other small, pretty things.
4. Forcing my children to watch old movies with me.
5. Grocery shopping with my boyfriend.

5 things I would never wear, buy or get new again:
1. High, pointy heels.
2. Pantyhose that weren’t at least 2 sizes too big.
3. Skirts above the knee.
4. Shoes with slippery bottoms.
5. Any top with which I couldn’t wear a bra.

5 favorite toys:
1. These little Lego-esque people – a princess and a cowboy – I stole from my kids.
2. A little sand-filled satin frog I stole from my kids.
3. A paddle with a hanging wooden egg, the swinging of which makes this little wooden chicken peck on the paddle. (I stole it from my kids.)
4. My Chinese Fashions coloring book.
5. My kids’ collection of luchador masks, which they never play with and which I will therefore steal.

Hell, yes. Forget about memes – here’s an awesome new game that’s all about you and me. Instructions:

Post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -good or bad- BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. You’ve got free reign. Start your sentence “Remember when you and I…”

If you know me in real life, you still have to make it up. If you’re a lurker, now’s your chance to say something fun, for once in your life.

Y’all make me laugh. Or cry. Or feel something other than this constant, wearying apathy. Thanks in advance to everyone who plays – I can’t wait to read your replies.

Like a specimen in the wild. So here’s my meme, for Tina.

Four Jobs I’ve Had in My Life:
1. Kid-watcher at summer arts program.
2. Deli clerk.
3. Assistant for Representative at Texas State Capitol.
4. Claims clerk for an insurance brokerage.

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:
1. The Bird Cage
2. X-Men 2
3. Independence Day
4. Fifty First Dates
(Gwen’s note: I’m not saying these are good movies, or even that they’re my favorites. But, whenever these come on cable, I drop whatever I’m doing and sit down to watch.)

I Have Lived in:
1. Houston, Texas
2. Austin, Texas
3. Leander, Texas
4. Dallas, Texas

Four TV Shows I Love to Watch:
1. Project Runway
2. America’s Next Top Model
3. Home Movies
4. Style Court

Places I Have Been on Vacation:
1. various places in Mexico
2. New York
3. Lousiana and Mississippi
4. That’s about it, I guess. I’m poor.

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
1. Achewood
2. Natalie Dee
3. Chicklit.com
4. Bookslut

Favorite Foods:
1. sweet potatoes
2. various Vietnamese foods that include BBQ pork
3. sushi
4. shrimp
5. oysters
6. squid
7. lemon-filled donuts, although I never eat them
8. thai food with lots of lime

Four Places I would rather be:
1. on vacation
2. at the zoo
3. at a restaurant with my kids and my bf
4. on a sailboat

Four People I Am Tagging With This Meme:
1. Letty
2. Cyra
3. Miss Cathee
4. Datty
(knowing none of them will do it. DO IT, DANG IT.)

1. Of all the bands/artists in your cd/record collection, which one do you own the most albums by?

I think it must be Pavement. The sad part is that I haven’t even listened to one of them. It’s still in the wrapper, but now my Pavement phase is done. So now it’s in storage, maybe to be discovered and beloved one day.

2. What was the last song you listened to?

It was in my car, on the CD player, on the way home from work… It was… Something from Blur’s 13 album.

3. What’s in your record/CD player right now?

Blur’s 13 album in my car, and at home I just listen to a shuffled favorites list on my laptop’s Windows Mediaplayer. Before the Blur, I had U2’s Unforgettable Fire in my car player, but I only played it for a few songs before re-burning-out on it and taking it out. I realized yesterday that 95% of the CDs I own are from the ’90s.

4. Do you know what music the person before you is into?

The person before me? I don’t get what that means. My child, who is beside me, likes Weezer and that Chad Kroeger song from the Spider-Man movie. The people who lived in the apartment below mine in the complex before this? They liked really crappy music. All they played was bad compilation CDs and country. You could tell they fought over it, too, by the way the songs would cut off and switch in medias res. Before me came my dad. He liked stuff like America and The Moody Blues. I like America okay, but I can’t really hang with the Moody Blues.

5. What’s your favorite local band?

Sadly, I don’t know any local Houston bands. I can say that my fave local DJ is some chick named Lori Scott, who used to open for Spundae. Also, I used to hang with a chick who knew this Dallas band called Chomsky. I bought Chomsky’s demo CD about 6 or 7 years ago. One of the songs, “Two Steps Away,” is on a mix CD I made last month, because I liked it that much.

6. What was the last album you bought?

The Bravery.

7. What was the greatest show you’ve ever been to?

Probably a DJ show. But we don’t count those, do we?

You may not believe this, but I’ve only been to two concerts in my life, and both of those were when I was pregnant with my first child, at age 20. The first was Van Halen with Sammy Hagar. The whole place smelled like pot and Sammy kept screaming stuff like, “I know y’all like to do a lot of cocaine here in Texas! Right? RIGHT??” The second was the Cure’s Wish Tour. Robert Smith made a weird joke about a guy, his doctor, and an orange. The Wish show was the better of the two.

I used to feel really sad and embarrassed about my lack of concert-going experience. Now, however, I no longer care.

8. What’s the worst band you’ve ever seen in concert?

I guess I’m gonna have to say the Van Halen one, by default. Even though I love Eddie Van Halen. Sorry, Eddie. Oh, or you could say any of the sucky bands I saw at SXSW in 1999. I forgot the bad ones’ names, though.

9. What band do you love musically but hate the members of?

I don’t hate anyone in any band, but it does make me sad when good songs have stupid or hateful lyrics.

10. What is the most musically involved you have ever been?

When I was 17, I sang in a rock band, sang in church choir, and sang in a little musical theater troupe. And I sang weddings for money, sometimes, too.

Fan-wise, I used to be completely obsessed with Led Zeppelin, and then with Yes.

11. What shows are you looking forward to?

I’m gonna try to see Grand Master Flash at the Museum of Fine Arts in a few weeks. Plus, I’m usually pleased to see whatever DJs my bf takes me to see. He keeps the calendar; I just go along.

12. What is your favorite band shirt?

Currently it’s my only one, the Pavement shirt Pinky gave me.

As a teenager, I favored the Black Sabbath jersey with the ring-wraith looking person on the front. I wore it until it disintegrated.

13. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?

Maybe Eddie Vedder, if he isn’t crazy now. Or Sasha. I don’t know. I’m getting to old to think about musicians to that extent. Maybe Gwen Stefani, because she might feel sorry for me and give me free stuff.

14. What musician would you sleep with in a heart beat?

When I first read this meme, I totally couldn’t come up with an answer to this. The next day, I realized that if I had to sleep with a musician, it would be Dave Grohl.

15. Are u a stalker?

No. I’m too lazy to stalk.

16. Sabbath or solo Ozzy?

Don’t laugh, but I bought the No More Tears album and used to play that song all the time. So I guess if I’m honest, I’ll say solo Ozzy. (Risking getting my ass kicked by my brother.)

17. 80’s Madonna or Kabbalah Esther?

Who? Madonna.

18. Punk rock, hip hop or heavy metal?

Punk rock.

19. Name 3 timeless records?

1) U2’s Unforgettable Fire. You don’t want to hear it anymore, but it’s timeless.
2) Beck’s Odelay. Whatever – don’t say anything.
3) The Clash’s Combat Rock. You think it should be London Calling, but I say Combat Rock.

20. Name 3 artists that suck?

1) Blink 182 (or 183, whatever), because they sing like teenagers holding their noses.
2) Pussycat Dolls, because they can barely sing on tune and the lead chick can’t breathe or phrase properly
3) Can I just say “anybody on Top 40 radio?” I can’t? How about… whoever sang that song that goes, “Take your cat and leave my sweater, ’cause we’ve got nothing left to weather, you’ll feel a whole lot better, but you’ll think of me.” Who was that? Toby Keith and some other guy, right? That song SUCKED.

21. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music geek?

I used to be a music geek when I was a kid. Now I’m getting old, so my music knowledge is freezing like rocky stream above the tree line.

22. What was the greatest decade for music?

I’m going to say the ’50s, but only because it was the root of many of today’s genres. Really, there was no greatest decade. Every decade has its good and bad. My boyfriend would say “the ’80s” without hesitation. I have to point out that the ’80s was when all the best rock bands of the ’70s turned to sucky pop. But it also gave us New Wave and classic hip hop, so we must give thanks. The ’70s was good for rock and R&B, and punk and disco, but also gave us some super cheesy easy listening. The ’90s had beautiful grunge, but crappy gangster rap, right?

Okay, forget what I said. I pick the ’70s.

23. How many music-related videos/dvds do you own?

None.

24. Do you like Journey?

I don’t want to, but of course I sing each of their songs, word for word, whenever they come on the radio. How can I not? I was born in ’71. Na, na, na, NA, na, na… My favorite song that I don’t like by Journey is “City by the Bay.”

25. Don’t try to pretend you don’t!

Make me.

26. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?

I would like to purchase the Mean Girls soundtrack. Haven’t done it yet.

-3 names I go by:
Gwen
Gwendolyn
Wen (accepted from people who can’t pronounce Gwen)

-3 screen names I have:
Gwen
Gwenishka
Gwenworld

-3 physical things I like about myself:
my hair
my height
my whole body, dammit. Why not?

-3 physical things I dislike about myself:
the sadness of my post-3-childbirths abdomen
some of the moles I have
the corn on my left pinky toe

-3 parts of my heritage:
Mexican
Welsh
German

-3 of my everyday essentials:
lipgloss
music
Atkins fake candy

-3 of my favorite musicians:
Liz Phair
Beck
Stevie Wonder

-3 of my favorite songs:
Jeffrey Osbourne’s “Back in Love”
Primal Scream’s “Scanner Darkly”
Britney Spears’ “Toxic”

-3 things that scare me:
giant roaches
bad neighborhoods at night when my kids are in the car
the possibility of becoming poor again

-3 things I want in a relationship:
complete honesty
hilarity hijinx
hot sex

-3 lies I tell:
“No, I’m not mad.”
“No, I’m not hungry.”
“I want to eat wherever you want to eat.”

-3 physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to me:
hair (on the guy’s head, I mean.)
stomach
hands

-3 of my hobbies:
playing World of Warcraft
beading
writing

-3 things I really want to do right now with a special someone:
long, leisurely grocery shopping at the frou-frou grocery store
lie on the grass at the park by the zoo
snuggle (Stop your retching.)

-3 careers I’ve considered:
rock star
grant writer
drug dealer’s girlfriend

-3 places I’d like to go on vacation:
Tokyo
Oaxaca
the most beautiful beach in the world

-3 kids names I like:
Alexandra
Jane
Joan

-3 things I’d like to do before I die:
make sure my kids will have good lives
visit San Francisco
be photographed by a really good photographer for Vanity Fair or some such magazine

-3 ways I’m a stereotypical guy:
can’t not look at big breasts
crude sense of humor
like video games

-3 ways I’m a stereotypical girl:
can’t resist cute things
wear a lot of pink
buy a lot of purses and lipgloss