This Onion article supposed to be satirical. And, in general, I prefer Banana Republic’s and Ann Taylor Loft’s “classic” style to that of the Gap. But, in my mind, this is how all men should think about their clothes, and this is how classic and variable all clothing should be:
This Gap Sweater is Fucking Awesome.

Over at The Atlantic, B.R. Myers points out a bunch of emperors who aren’t wearing clothes. (This is a big old article about books. Only read it if you are hardcore into books, like I am. Oh, and you have to be hardcore into literary bitch-slapping, too.)

Pop-cult worlds collide as the captain of Serenity goes back to OLTL. Do you know what I’m talking about? Did I just out myself as a geek/loser on two fronts at once?

I heard there was gonna be something called a Maker Faire in Austin this October. I got all excited, thinking it was like a craft fair for hipsters. (With, you know, the ghostly, sad-faced felt animals and appliques and prints that hipster craftsters are always making.) I thought we could go there this fall instead of going to the Ren Fest, which never changes. But then I scoped the web site and saw that this Maker Faire appears to be more about recycling/reducing/reusing, and science. And… bleh. Anybody been to the one in San Francisco? How was it?

There’s this site called BookTour where you can look up your fave authors and see if/when they’ll be reading at a place near you. I’m telling you this because my editor asked me and her other authors to please register on it. I don’t have any readings listed yet, because I’m lazy and bad. But when I do have some readings to report, they will be there. Also, I think my fellow author/blogger Rob might have some stuff on there, so you can scope him out and then tell him he owes me kickbacks for sending you to see him.

The classic mother-daughter talk, simplified.

In case you don’t read Gawker or any other site where authors get ridiculed, I’m here to link you to old (yet fascinating) drama.
1. Pulitzer-prize-winning author Robert Olen Butler sent an email to his grad students, explaining (in extreme personal detail) the facts surrounding his wife leaving him. The email got leaked.
2. Robert Olen Butler got upset with Gawker for putting his email online.
3. Robert Olen Butler explains himself, in even greater detail.
As always, the comments are scathing. Only click those if you’re hardcore into scathing, literary, super-wrecky trainwrecks.

A genre-fiction author of 15 books complained about getting bad news. Her editor was retiring. The author expressed apprehension at the thought of giving up a seasoned editor for one who was under 30.

In her comments, an anonymous person warned the author not to tarnish her own reputation by complaining in her blog. The author went off on that anonymous person and several others.

An anonymous agent called the author a nitwit. Told her to shut up and count her blessings. The agents fans commented in agreement. The author tried to defend herself, reexplaining her points and declaring that she tries to blog the ups and the downs of being an author. Several of the agents fans told her to stop whining. The author called them wannabes. That pissed them off big time.

As I see it, there are two issues here.

1. Talking smack about your work on your blog.

Should you ever do it? It’s up to you. Where do your rights to express yourself intersect with your coworkers’ and present/future employers’/publishers’ right to read your blog and make negative decisions about you because of it? Only you, the author of your blog, can decide.

2. Whining after publishing a book.

How dare you do it? Do you know how many people would give their toes to be published authors? They haven’t been able to do it, but you have. Therefore, you are one of the luckiest people on earth. Therefore, you have no right to complain. Ever. About anything. If you complain, it’s only fair that you forfeit your right to be a published author. From now on, any author who complains should give their book contracts to someone who would be more appreciative.

Not only are children starving in China, but people who comment on blogs are going without agents! We’re talking about people who’ve worked hard to achieve the dream of being a published author… a life in which the writer’s every dream is realized and nothing can ever go wrong again. Everyone knows that published authors have nothing to complain, whine, fret about or fear. How dare you pretend otherwise, you ungrateful hag from Hell? You are lying to everyone who hasn’t yet become as lucky as you. Why are you doing that? What are you trying to do – scare us away from pursuing what must surely be our destinies? You don’t deserve your good luck! I deserve it, instead!

Other people not allowed to complain:

Celebrities
Lottery winners
Naturally slender women

Learn it, live it, love it. If you’re a published author or one of the people listed above, I suggest you find two or three trusted friends and restrict your whining to private conversations with them, held in dark rooms late at night.

Nobody likes a whiner, you see.

(Unless you’re whining about how unfair that you haven’t been published yet.)