Thwarted and Informed
The plumber and I can’t seem to get synchronized. His people called the wrong number. He came here, but without the right tools. He came back, but I was at Target and forgot to leave the key in the lockbox. I came back, but now he’s getting something to eat.
I’m trapped here, now, for the rest of the plumber’s day. I guess God didn’t want me to go into Target and see all the nice things there that cost money. So I’m home, continuing my not-day-job work, instead. And waiting for the plumber.
I’m not even going to tell you what the plumber’s fixing, or how outrageously costly it’s going to be. (Yes, I got multiple quotes.)
I’ll just tell you instead that, next time I buy a house, I’m not even going to look at it. No, instead I’m going to send a questionnaire out to everyone selling a house on HAR.com. I’m going to ask them what’s important to them – what their priorities in life are.
Here is what I’ve learned was important to the people who sold me this house:
1. Proudly displaying evidence of their religion.
2. Matching fabrics.
3. Avoiding mold.
Here is what I’ve found is important to me, when it comes to home ownership:
1. Avoiding mold.
2. Maintaining an appealing landscape.
3. Maintaining the ability to take comfortable showers and baths.
4. Refraining from being ripped off by contractors.
Do you see which ones we don’t have in common? They don’t care for my number 2, as evidenced by the fact that their boxwoods have eaten their nandinas, and their crepe myrtles have never been pruned. I can tell they don’t care for my number 3, because their beautiful jacuzzi bath is broken, and the shower heads I inherited were all small and crusted.
They obviously don’t care about not getting ripped off by contractors, because everything they had done was done expensively and wrong. You can’t tell, looking up at the vent that leads from the water heater, that it doesn’t actually exit the house via the roof, or that the drain piping doesn’t leave the house, either. But it looks like they do. Apparently the people who sold me this house paid someone to do things craftily ineptly. (Or else they did it that way themselves. But I hate to accuse people of malice without evidence.)
Now I know more about water heaters than I ever, ever wanted to know. Because I have to, because this is my house and I’m paying someone to work on it the right way.
So here I am, Target-purchase-less, off work and waiting for the plumber to finish his meal.
Oh, also – I believe that screws and nails should go into wall studs. The previous homeowners felt that hollow sheetrock was enough.
That will be one of the questions on the questionnaire I send, next time I buy a house: “Do you know what a wall stud is? Do you care if your sheetrock has inch-wide holes?”
I know more about the people who sold me this house than I ever, ever wanted know.
