To the Next Person Who Steals My Credit Card Number
Learn from the last person who stole my credit card number and used it to make a fake credit card. Learn from his mistakes, and you’ll be able to steal more money from my account:
1. Don’t go to McDonald’s or Dunkin Donuts. I never go there. Try Starbucks, Einstein Bros. Bagels, your local bubble teahouse, or Jack in the Box. That way, my bank won’t immediately look at my transactions and say, “What the…? Gwen never eats McRibs! And there’s no way in hell she’d go to Dunkin Donuts instead of Shipley’s!”
2. I don’t know what the last guy spent $211 on at Duane Reed, but you be sure to buy your drugs at Walgreen’s, and throw in a bunch of buy-one-get-one-half-off lipglosses to make it look authentic.
3. Biggest hint of all: Don’t use my credit card number in New York. I don’t live in New York.
4. If you must disregard tip #1 and go to McDonald’s, anyway, then at least refrain from going twice in the same day. Dude. Come on. Spice it up a little. What’s the use of being a criminal if you won’t even risk trying new foods?
