How to Be Happy
Some people think you can be happy if you take anti-depressants. Some people think you can be happy if you read enough of the right books about how to do it. Some people think it’s impossible to be happy because the world is a really crappy place.
I think it’s possible to be happy, but only if you’re honest with yourself about what you want. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and here’s what I’ve decided it would take for me to be happy for more than 50% of the time.
1. If I had a little fur stole to wear. It doesn’t have to be authentic, but it should be white, and very furry. And warm. And I should be able to wear it whenever I feel like it, whether I’m at work or in the mall or on the beach, without people commenting on its possible inappropriateness. Also, it might be nice if I could sometimes wear long gloves or some kind of animal ears with my stole.
2. If I could eat a lot of donuts without getting fat. I never eat donuts, even when they have really nice ones in the break room for free… and I’m still fat, anyway. But I can’t ever eat donuts, or else I’ll get even fatter, really fast. It would be nice if, for every donut I ate, I would lose one quarter of a pound, net. I think about that a lot, and I’ve decided that a quarter of a pound is the exact amount of weight I’d need to lose per donut in order to eat as many donuts as I want, but without losing so much weight that my skin gets loose. So… yeah. Donuts.
3. If I didn’t have to work a day job.
4. Failing #3, if the music I play on my computer at my day job wouldn’t cut out during my favorite songs.
Thank you. That’s all. As you can see, it wouldn’t take much.
