My Weekend Adventures in a Numbered List
1. Friday my new work buddy and I had drinks and then dinner. Then, I think I went home and played World of Warcraft until my boyfriend got off work. While my kids are out of town, I’ll have drinks with coworkers more often. I think it helps unburden your soul.
2. Saturday morning my boyfriend Tad and I went to eat spinach bacon paninis for breakfast. Then I had to get an emergency pedicure at an unfamiliar place, in preparation for the soiree we were about to attend. All the while, I worried about the whirlpool and the possibility that it would give me a deadly staph infection, like what happened to that woman in Fort Worth. But it didn’t (that I know of), luckily. Tad was excited by the sign that said “Man $10″, but I had to explain that that meant manicure, not that males got pedicures for half price. The lady seemed upset when I told her we didn’t have time for a manicure, after all. Oh, well, too bad. What’s she gonna do – give me a deadly staph infection? Ha, ha. Okay, no, that wasn’t funny.
3. At 11 AM we went to one of those fancy Asian engagement parties, with a tea ceremony and a whole roasted pig. Also, this one had a chocolate fountain. Last time we went to one of these, a young half-white, half-Columbian woman attended, wearing a traditional Asian dress. I told Tad that if she could do that, I would do it next time, then. He said she could do it because she was married into the family. I asked him if he would pretend to marry me so I could wear one of those outfits. He said no. I told him that was fine – that I would just marry some other Chinese guy and then show up in the outfit next time. They kind of sprung this engagement party on us, so I didn’t have time to find another Asian guy to marry, much less to have a dress made. So I just wore a dress from Target, instead. We had fun. Congratulations, Le and Adym.
4. Later we went to see Felix da Housecat at the Meridian. It was a very good show. A few people showed up in ’80s clothing, which was cute. But Mr. da Housecat fooled them by mixing mostly ’70s and ’90s music, instead. He mixed Metallica, y’all. He mixed Nirvana and Marilyn Manson. Our respect for him grew immensely that night, because he was very creative and good. Also, these two girls kept falling on the floor drunk, to the point that the cops had to haul them out. One of them threw up what looked like cat food. They made me lose my buzz. Then, I regained it. Then, some stupid effing beeotch spilled a beer on me on the dance floor, and I lost my buzz again. Then, I regained it. Then, we went home at around 4 AM.
5. The next day we went to our favorite pho place for breakfast/lunch. I had #53 and a Diet Coke. That’s what I always get. The waitress says it with me when I order. #53 is rice with chargrilled pork and one eggroll. And fish sauce. Everything tastes better with fish sauce, as you know.
6. For the first time in our lives, we went to Bayou Bend, the historical 15-acre estate of famed local philanthropist Ms. Ima Hogg. It was very crowded, because the azaleas were in bloom. But we saw enough of the mansion to make us want to return. I can’t describe how beautiful the rooms were, because when I’d read about them before, I’d assumed they’d be boring. They weren’t, but I’m not sure “Rococco revival” and “gas chandeliers” and “gold leaf canvas wall paper” and “Margaret Thatcher ate here during the Economic Summit” will make you understand. And the pictures don’t really do it justice. So you just have to imagine it. Or not.
7. And then we went to Joann Fabrics, which I will probably call Clothworld until I die. Among other things, I purchased two small fake birds to put into my flowerpots. I won’t launch into a long story about how nice it is not to be married to someone who makes a big stinking deal about something as innocuous as wanting to put a tiny fake bird into a flowerpot. Also, I won’t launch into a flowery description of how awesome it is to date someone who sits next to you at the patternbooks, as opposed to waiting outside in a truck, honking its horn. Okay, I’ve said enough.
8. We went to Rice Epicurean to pick up our contributions to a group dinner. Tad felt sad for that grocery store because it was so dead, because it’s across the street from the newer, way more popular Central Market. I didn’t mind the deadness, though. Sometimes you just want to get in and get out of the grocery store with your bottle of wine and sugar-free cookies in hand.
9. We had spaghetti with our friends, and then some of us made beaded jewelry while others of us lay on the couch. We all watched Trading Places and lamented the fall of Eddie Murphy’s genius. (Al Franken was in that movie. Funny, huh?) Also, we drank sparkling dessert wine, because we’re cheap and trashy like that.
10. At night we went to sleep. This morning Tad started his new job. I’m waiting to hear from him now. I hope he’s doing okay.
