An artsy, second-person entry:Dieting is bad for your stomach.
But, at the same time, it makes your stomach smaller. So, sometimes you have to do it. Especially when your stomach and your butt are getting too snug in your pants. The bigger pants you just bought, I mean. The ones in the larger size that you bought to encompass your ever-expanding stomach and butt.
Many aspects of this situation might make you sad. But put away your sadness. In this case it’s irrelevant.
You might, while walking down the boring hall at your bore job, briefly wonder if snorting cocaine would make you Kate-Moss thin. Would it be possible for you to snort it for a little while only? Long enough to lose forty pounds, say, and then you could quit. Why not? The word snort disgusts you to begin with. It shouldn’t be hard to ignore the physical cravings and kick the habit, right?
If you snorted cocaine, could you eat donuts at the same time and still lose the weight? That sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? Actually, you probably wouldn’t even want donuts, you freaking blow addict.
You wish you could eat a donut right now, don’t you? You haven’t had one in more than a year. But you can taste it just like a cocaine addict can taste cocaine, huh? You freaking donut addict. You glazed-eyed, cream-filled fucking junkie.
It doesn’t matter how many naturally skinny people wear t-shirts that make fun of the low-carb diet trend. Bread makes you fat. Learn it and live it. Again. Eating salad and poultry all the time makes you sad. Too bad. Get used to it. It’s not a diet. It’s a lifestyle change.
It’s not a diet! It’s a lifestyle change!
IT’S NOT A DIET!
IT’S A LIFESTYLE CHANGE!
At least your boyfriend still loves you, though. At least, that’s what he told me.
The guys who work in the cafeteria still love you, too. They told me they like your skin-tight pants.
