Pick Up the Meme – Meme Time!
I don’t know Grace and I don’t know Frog, but I sure do like to read and steal their memes. Here’s the latest, a fill-in-the-blank.
1) My uncle once: called Jesus Christ a “goddamned charlatan.”
2) Never in my life: have I worked in an office with such polluted air. Jeez.
3) When I was five: I never liked to wear skirts or dresses because our Kindergarten class was so annoyingly full of perverted five-year-old boys. You couldn’t wear a skirt without them picking it up so that everyone could see your panties. That’s why I became a tomboy, basically. To defend myself from sexual harassment.
4) High school was: boring.
5) Fire is: pretty yet smoky.
6) I once saw: a really weird bug that looked like a hummingbird, but was really a really weird bug, instead.
7) There’s this woman I know who: hangs out in the bathroom at work all the time. It’s like she just really enjoys being in the bathroom. I don’t know why, because it’s smelly and unpleasant looking. But every time I go in there, she’s there and usually she’s not even in a stall – she’s just hanging out. I keep wanting to suggest to HR that they put her desk in there. That’d be funny as hell.
8) Once, at a bar: a bartender charged me $8 for a cosmopolitan, after I’d just gotten one for $7 from the other bartender.
9) By noon I’m usually: working on my book on my laptop in our building’s cafeteria after having finished my salad or chicken wrap.
10) Last night: we went to Mike’s house and Hoa straightened my hair with her new flat iron. Then me, Tad, Hoa, Rick, Cyra, and Karen played a card game called VC. Everybody hassled me for drinking two Mike’s Hard Lemonades (low carb version) since I got so drunk recently, but I told them there was nothing else diet to drink and those don’t even give me a buzz, anyway. We ate Mike’s ice-cream-birthday cake and went home at around ten-thirty.
11) If I only had: a winning Lotto ticket or else more time to write.
12) Next time I go to church: it may or may not be the Quaker church. But I probably won’t go at all.
13) The best thing about my last relationship was: that it proved to me how easy it is to find a relationship, if you’re really wanting one.
14) What worries me most: is the fear that I won’t make enough money to keep my children from living in poverty.
15) When I turn my head left: I see the ivy plant I inherited and the vase full of ivy cuttings I made.
16) When I turn my head right: I see a fuckload of policies that I’m supposed to check.
17) You know I’m lying when: I tell you right afterwards that I’m lying. Because I don’t like to lie.
18) What I miss most about the eighties: is “New Wave” and the license it gave you to be weird or metrosexual.
19) If I were a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: shrewish and brown as a berry, but still someone’s love.
20) By this time next year: I hope to Christ to have a second book published.
21) I have a hard time understanding: how stupid people have the nerve to give you attitude when they’re doing something stupid. I mean – if someone’s not bright enough to figure something out the first time, that’s fine and I have all the patience in the world to break it down for them until they understand. But if someone’s too dumb or too lazy to understand what’s going on and then they try to cover that fact by acting like you’re the dumb one… Well, that just annoys me and I wonder how that person has gotten all the way to adulthood using that technique.
22) You know I like you if: I try to make you laugh.
23) If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: my boyfriend, maybe. If he had been cooking me dinner while I was working on whatever it was that got me the award, I mean. Maybe my kids, if they had to put up with neglect in order for me to win.
24) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: are obviously part of a filler question on this meme that deserves no real response.
25) Take my advice, never: get married without a means of supporting yourself in case it doesn’t work out.
26) My ideal breakfast is: Einstein Bagels’ spinach/egg/bacon sandwich on whole-wheat toast, plus their sexy hazelnut coffee with half-and-half and cinnamon.
37) If you visit my hometown, I suggest you go to: a good restaurant or Harwin (wholesale district) to buy some purses.
28) Why doesn’t everyone: try not to be a jerk unless it’s absolutely warranted.
29) If you spend the night at my house: I will most likely force you to look at photo albums or Japanese stationery.
30) I’d stop my wedding: the moment I realized it was really happening and not just a dream, because I’m not getting married again.
31) The world could do without: mediocre music.
32) My favorite blonde is: a fake one.
33) If I do anything well, it’s: drawing funny, spot-on cartoons of people on the fly.
44) And by the way: Target sells really cute, inexpensive panties in size 10.
45) The last time I was drunk, I: threw up and busted my knee, providing fodder for my friends to ridicule me until the end of time.
