Something I’ve Noticed
Everyone smarter than you is really arrogant about their intelligence. At the same time, everyone less smart than you is annoying.
Everyone prettier than you is conceited and vain. Everyone not as pretty as you, however, makes you snicker.
Everyone more popular than you must be kissing ass or offering oral sex or pretending to be friendlier than they really are, right? Everyone less popular than you? They’re sitting alone in the corners of the cafeteria, watching you tell your friends how arrogant, conceited, fake, stupid, and ugly everyone else is.
Everyone smart and pretty to whom you make your clever little backhanded compliments actually does perceive your insecurity. They just pretend not to because they’re polite. And you know that, and that’s why you make your passive-aggressive remarks to them.
Everyone who really is as arrogant and conceited as you say? They don’t care what you think. And you know that, so you make more bitchy comments to everybody else.
All that energy you spend on hating everybody else – why don’t you use it to fix your unhappy life?
Fun in the Sunday
I had bubble tea and green onion pie with Amy D and Jette over the weekend. That was fun. Those are two shockingly lovable/smart/amusing women.
Fun in the Artificial Sun
The tan place across the street was doing a big promo last weekend – free UV bulb exposure for everyone! So I went, for the first time in my life, and did four minutes on the Level 3 bed.
And then, I may or may not have followed up on that with some Neutrogena self-tanning foam.
So now, after three years of being sun-shunning pale olive, I’m suddenly browner all over. I’m tropical, baby. My skin invokes islands and the scent of coconut oil with the sandy ham sandwiches we used to eat at the beach.
“Yay! Look at me! I’m browner!” I squealed to a few of my friends.
These friends looked at my arm, then down at their own much browner ones. “You still look white to me,” they said.
Haters.
I’ll see y’all under the umbrella by the pool.
