Also, I’ve been spending a lot of extra time with my family, which makes me happy. And I would say more about that, but I feel like it’s too private. I feel… reclusive.

My X-mas List (Meaning stuff I want, not stuff I’m getting for other people)

1. Dark purple Schwinn Ranger bike. My husband is going to buy me this. He already said so.

2. New Kindle to replace the old one that my son dropped twice and that now no longer connects to Amazon wirelessly.

3. I wrote “bookstore” third on the list I’ve been keeping on my phone. What does that mean? A gift certificate? Maybe an Amazon gift certificate so I can buy Kindle books and MP3s, since I do that constantly, anyway. I don’t want to own a bookstore, so it can’t mean that.

4. I wanted this dog named Sidney that lives at my cousin’s house. My cousin Helen is one of those people who likes lots of pets and lives in a neighborhood where that’s allowed, so people dump dogs and cats on her. Out of all her current dogs, Sidney’s my favorite. She’s a black and white pointer type, really smart and affectionate. But she’s hard for Helen to handle because she likes to jump the fence. Sidney listens to me pretty well. I wish she was my dog, but my husband doesn’t want another pet. Normally I’d just ignore him and get the pet, anyway, but I’ve already done that twice and I think that’s the limit for un-agreed-upon pet-getting in our marriage. Meanwhile, Helen really wishes I’d come get Sidney, who won’t stop jumping the fence. Maybe Helen should start a blog and put a x-mas list on it.

5. Toyota FJ in green or orange

6. Video camera for making YouTube videos

7. Rollerskates

8. Rockband 3. I’m going to buy this for our family in October, when it’s released. I already said so.

9. Some black lace-up boots that I saw at Nordstrom, even though at the time I said they were too much like the ones I wore throughout high school. I’ve since reconciled myself to the fact that no one remembers or cares what I wore in the ’80s, so I should embrace whatever fads make me happy.

10. Industrial strength ice shaver for home snow-cone making.

11. My Little Ponies. I saw some at Walgreens the other day and they looked nice.

A One-Act Play About My Husband’s Misunderestimating of My Taste in Music

Dat: I do *so* understand your taste in music. In fact, I downloaded an album that I know you’ll love, because they sound exactly like Led Zeppelin.

Me: Yeah, right. I doubt that.

[Dat and Gwen cross to Stage Left, where Dat plays Wolfmother album on the laptop.]

Me: They sound absolutely nothing like Led Zeppelin. How can you say that they do, or that you know what kind of music I like, or that you’ve seen the depths of my soul? These people sound so little like Led Zeppelin that it makes me question your ability to love me. In fact, this last song, “White Unicorn”? Sounds exactly like Triumph.

Dat [sobbing]: I’m sorry! Forgive me! Stop bitching at me!

[Dat runs off stage.]

[Gwen saves “White Unicorn” song to a flash drive, puts flash drive in her pocket.]

[Curtain.]

FIN