wish list

Two of my friends always make wish lists for me, and I make wish lists for them, because we don’t see each other often enough during the year to make educated guesses about what the others want for Christmas. (Only true friends can do such tacky things for […] Continue Reading…

my holiday tradition

Every year since the year 2000, I have missed out on my office’s Thanksgiving or Christmas luncheon because one of my kids became ill.

This year will be no different. Tomorrow is our Thanksgiving lunch, and I won’t go because my oldest son came down with a hardcore […] Continue Reading…

my favorite thing to say

“Make me.”

When people on TV try to tell me what to do, I just say, “Make me.”

Never mind that they can’t hear me telling them that. (Although I bet they secretly can — they’re actors. They just act like they didn’t totally get busted by […] Continue Reading…

My feet have magically gotten smaller.

Back when I was much fatter, about three years ago, I wore size 11 shoes. Since then, I’ve managed to reduce the size of my body by one third. My feet got smaller, too. At first, I didn’t believe it. Shoe size is determined […] Continue Reading…

My work area has horrible feng shui.

I don’t know if I believe in all that stuff about having bamboo sticks and water fountains in your house, but I do know that it makes sense to have chair facing the door. Also, you shouldn’t have your back to the coworker […] Continue Reading…

The Verdict(written earlier today)

I went to the doctor the other day. I like my doctor because she’s mean on the outside and nice on the inside, and she immediately diagnoses my seemingly disparate symptoms.

Her: So what’s the problem?

Me: Well, the other day my stomach was all messed up in […] Continue Reading…

Adam Ant is my boyfriend.

I’ve been listening to Adam and the Ants’ best-of CD in the car a lot lately. It tells a little story that I like to hear, in which a messy punky garage band slowly becomes slickly pop, in a time when S&M was still taboo […] Continue Reading…

We’re going out right now.

We’re fixing to go to some house party. These two guys have a house that looks like a church, in the Montrose. They hire a DJ and have parties once a month. It costs $20 to get in. All you can drink. Tonight’s the last […] Continue Reading…

mystery illness

And now my guts hurt. Bad enough that I missed two days of work in a row. But I can’t see the doctor til Monday afternoon.

It feels kind of like one of my intestines came loose. Or like one of them is going to explode. I don’t yet […] Continue Reading…