Two Conversations About My Boyfriend
I. In the hall at work, between me and my friend Julio.
Julio: Tad must be a saint. I bet he’s going to be canonized soon. He’d have to be a saint to put up with you and your shit.
Me: Well… sort of. Really, though, he’s more like a… like a wrangler.
Julio: What? He wears Wranglers? Come on, you know English wasn’t my first language.
Me: He’s more like a wrangler. Of wolverines or something. No… of minks. He’s a mink wrangler.
Julio: ?
Me: Like a guy at the circus, who has a bunch of minks? And they want to bite people and stuff, but instead he coaxes them into jumping through rings of fire and stuff?
Julio: Oh.
Me: Yeah, that’s what Tad is. A mink wrangler.
II. In a car in Toronto with Maggie, Cate, and Mick, after three pitchers of Keys.
Me: … and then I said, “No, not wolverines… Minks!” Because, you know, not just one mink, but, like, a whole bunch of them. Which is funny, because, you know, when you have more than one mink, you have a minx. So, it totally makes sense, right?
Crickets: Chirp, chirp, chirp…
Me: Man, I love Tad.
