Fight! Fight in the girls’ bathroom!
First of all, let me say that I love flame wars in the same way that I love watching dancers fall through stage floors on home videos… the same way I love watching cars flip off cliffs in the movies… the same way I love VH1 specials about Britney Spears. So what’s the latest from the battlefront?
The Sizeist Drama
1. This one chick posts a blog entry about the fact that she is a “sizeist.” She knows it’s wrong, and she’s not sure why she’s posting it, but she bravely flings herself onto the oncoming flames as a sacrifice for the good of all blogdom (I guess.)
2. This other chick, who, from what I can gather, is/was a friend of the first chick, posts a comment about how the sizeist post hurt her feelings.
3. Some blogless person who obviously has some personal agenda starts flaming the shit out of the hurt-feelings chick.
4. Hurt Feelings Chick’s friend jumps in. (Hey – nice site design.)
5. Blogless Person’s blogless friend jumps in and goes off on this incredibly sordid/prudish/racist tangent about hurt-feelings chick in a three-way with some guys at some hotel. Or something.
6. Next thing I know, everybody’s arguing about someone threatening Jay Mohr. The hell? How did he get involved in this? I love Jay Mohr. Has anyone notified his agent?
7. Finally, after all that, it occurs to Hurt Feelings Chick to wonder if Sizeist Chick is really her friend, after all.
Lessons Learned
1. There’s a great opportunity for some up-and-coming writer to do an adult version of Cat’s Eye.
2. The Internet has ushered in the titanium age of e-passive-aggression.
3. If you have “friends” you’re trying to get rid of, but don’t want to hurt their feelings, you can always just instigate a flame-filled discussion revolving around those friends’ biggest insecurity.
4. Jay Mohr’s cuteness – especially in Small Soldiers – quite naturally inspires erratic behavior.
5. Flame wars are best when they contain at least some intelligent insight or humor.
6. I am a flameist. I know it’s wrong, and I don’t know what I’m trying to do with this post, but I’m working on the fact that I judge people by their flames. Sigh…. Now come what may!
Funnily enough, I was just planning to post something about fatness and skinniness. But I’ll save it for next time, instead.
