Gwen and Mike Talk About Potatoes
Gwen: I ate three baked potatoes in a row.
Mike: You just ate three potatoes?
Gwen: No. I ate one for lunch today, one yesterday, and one the day before.
Mike: That’s good. Potatoes have a lot of potassium.
Gwen: Actually, it’s bad because they have a lot of carbohydrates, and I’m not supposed to be eating carbs.
Mike: Then why do you keep having baked potatoes for lunch?
Gwen: See, I go to the barbecue place and order a potato with brisket on top. Brisket, and a ton of sour cream, cheese, butter, and bacon bits. I do that so I can just eat the toppings.
Mike: Hmm.
Gwen: But then, when I’m done with that, the potato has all this butter melted all over it, so I can’t just not eat it, right?
Mike: Well, sure.
Gwen: So I ate, like, a third of a potato today. And the other days, too.
Mike: Wow… so you get to eat all the toppings, and then the potato parts that are soaked in butter, and then, the dry potato parts that most people have to eat, you can just throw away to stay compliant with your diet.
Gwen: Yeah. But I really shouldn’t be eating the potato at all. Potatoes are just little boats for sour cream and cheese. But I keep eating part of the boat, too.
Mike: Ha, ha… little boats… But that’s good. You get to throw away the part no one likes to eat and not even feel bad about it
Gwen: Yeah, I guess. Hey, you know what? Some day we’ll go to lunch and both get baked potatoes with all the stuff on top. You’ll eat all your potato. I’ll only eat the top of mine. But then, when it’s time to go, we’ll switch plates. That way you can have the guilt-free luxury of throwing a potato away!
Mike: Wait… we’ll each eat two potatoes… Wait… What?
Gwen: You’ll eat a whole potato, I’ll only eat my toppings, we’ll switch plates, and then you’ll say real loud, “On my daddy’s plantation, we have much better potatoes than this –“
Mike: But that might hurt the feelings of the restaurant own–
Gwen: You’ll say, “On my daddy’s plantation, we have so many potatoes, I can afford to just throw them away.” Then you’ll sling your potato in the trash.
Mike: Ha, ha. “We had so many potatoes, they would dress me in the morning.”
Gwen: Ha, ha!
Mike: “They pull off my boots for me at night.”
Gwen: Yeah. ‘Cause you know how everybody’s father in Texas has a plantation and stuff.
Mike: Really?
Gwen: Oh, hell yeah. No, I’m just —
Mike: Well, is that going to be a funny joke if everyone has a potato plantation? Won’t they think I’m just, you know, bragging? But about the same stuff everyone else —
Gwen: Mike, I said —
Mike: Seriously? Everyone really still has plantations in Texas? That’s kind of — You’re not just being facetious, are you?
Gwen: I said I was just kidding. No, nobody has plantations. I was just kidding.
Mike: Oh.
