Something Annoying
Recently, on the Facebook of a friend’s Facebook friend, I read something annoying.
This person had a question posted under the picture of face. Something like, “Why is it okay to talk about your belief in yoga or vegetarianism, but it’s not okay for me to talk about my love for Jesus Christ?”
I’m going to pretend that this person meant that question seriously, and that he wasn’t just pulling the red herring victim routine that is so fabulously common amongst combative conservatives. And I’m going to answer this person’s question.
One: It’s okay for you to talk about your love for Jesus Christ. You have that right.
Two: It is exactly as annoying for you to talk about your love for Jesus Christ as it is for anyone else to talk about their belief in yoga.
Here is where you Jesus evangelists go wrong — you don’t know how to have normal, interesting, polite conversations. Also, you missed that part of 7th Grade Language Arts where we learned about “persuasive essays.”
Here is how you could have an interesting conversation about your beliefs:
Example 1:
Joe Blow: Wanna have breakfast?
You: No, thanks. I’m on the way to church.
Joe: Aw, dude. You go to church?
You: Yeah.
Joe: I can’t go for that. That’s a waste of my Sunday, you know?
You: I like going. It takes an hour, but it makes me feel better after I’ve gone.
Joe: For real?
You: Yeah. Let me know if you ever wanna check it out, and you can go with me.
[Joe: No, thanks.
or
Joe: Okay, I will.]
Example 2:
Joe Blow: … and she said she was gonna start doing yoga. Can you believe that?
You: Oh, cool.
Joe: No, dude, she said yoga. That’s lame.
You: You think so? I like yoga.
Joe: You do yoga? Uh, why?
You: I like it. It makes me feel better.
Joe: For real.
You: Yeah. Let me know if you wanna check it out some time, and you can go with me.
See that? Okay, now, here’s how to be an asshole.
Example 1:
Joe: … and then I went to Banana Republic, and they were having a sale.
You: Joe, when’s the last time you went to church?
Joe: What?
You: I used to be like you, but then I found Jesus Christ, and my life has improved 100%.
Joe: What? What do you mean, like me?
You: Come to church, Joe. Come change your life. Make your life awesome in the light of Jesus’s love, like mine is.
Example 2:
Joe: Wanna go to Jack in the Box?
You: No, because I don’t eat meat, because eating meat is wrong.
Joe: Oh, uh… sorry.
You: You should stop eating meat. When I was eating meat, I was fat, lazy, and a sexist, capitalist fascist. Now that I’m vegan, I have a clarity on life that meat-eaters can’t begin to understand. You should stop eating meat, Joe. It’s disgusting.
Joe: Uh… I just remembered that I have to run errands at lunch. See ya.
There you go, buddy. You can talk about your love for Jesus all you want, but you can’t make me enjoy a rude, annoying conversationalist. Because that’s what it’s always about, isn’t it? You don’t just want to talk about Jesus. You want to talk about Jesus and have everyone on earth agree with whatever you say. You can’t always have what you want, though. (Especially not if you’re annoying.)
Now you know, Facebook friend of my Facebook friend. I hope my answer to your question is helpful. You’re welcome.
