Welcome, Bitter Asian Men

A while back, my boyfriend and I met an Asian author and bought the book he was selling, which dealt with his issues with ethnicity. Afterwards, the author and I emailed a few times, and he asked me questions about how I came to be dating an Asian man, and if I found Asian men in general attractive, and other stuff along those lines. So I wrote him a pretty long response, via email. And then he posted it on his blog.

I wasn’t sharing state secrets or anything. But, at the same time, if I had known my words were going to be public, I would have organized them more coherently, and written a little less informally, probably. But, oh well. No harm, no foul.

Now, however, I see that my words are being reproduced on other sites. Specifically, sites dedicated to Asian men seeking sex with Caucasian women.

So, because of that, and for all new visitors who may come to this site seeking hot, slutty Caucasian blondes to sleep with, I now present:

Gwen’s Advice for Asian Men Who Want to Date Caucasian Women

Woo hoo! Interracial dating! Ow!!!

Disclaimer: I have no business speaking for anyone but myself. I can’t tell you what people of other races, or even other people of my own race, are thinking. However, I have a tiny bit of experience, and keenly honed observational powers, not to mention opinions I have no problem expressing in a very loud voice. So take everything I say with a grain of salt. Take it, bitch! Just kidding. Okay.

If we’re being honest with ourselves, we Americans know that there are certain inter-ethnic dating combinations that are less common than others here in our US of A. First, Asian men with Caucasian women. You don’t see that often, do you? Yes, you do see Asian women with white men all the time, but not the other way around. Hmm. Another atypical combo, for example, is African-American women with white men, even though you often see the opposite. Hmm. And, if you really think about it, I’m sure you can come up with other combos that you hardly ever see.

I’m not going to attempt to discuss why these combinations are atypical. because I’m a lover, not a sociologist. However, from people I’ve talked to and things I’ve read, I’ve realized that there are many Caucasian women who would really like to date Asian men, and vice versa. And yet, somehow, they aren’t hooking up as much as it seems like they could be. So my purpose in this blog entry is to facilitate romance between these groups. If you can apply my advice to other inter-ethnic dating dilemmas, even better.

1. Keep your blue-eyed, big-breasted blonde fetish to yourself.

If you came to me and said, “Gwen, I find Caucasian women attractive, and I’ve met some I’d like to date, but I’m afraid deeply ingrained American social biases are against me,” then I would be willing to help you.

But if you came to me and said, “Gwen, I want to date a blonde, blue-eyed woman with big tits, because I drive a Mercedes and therefore I deserve it,” then I would tell you to get the hell out of my face. I would tell you to keep your shallow, objectifying thoughts inside your own head, preferably while it’s out of my sight. No one wants to hear anyone objectifying people and then whining about it.

“Why can’t I date a blonde with big boobs?”

“Why can’t I meet a handsome man who makes a hundred thousand dollars a year?”

“Why can’t I attract thin, pasty vampires with green eyes?”

Because you’re a shallow dumb ass who doesn’t see other people as human beings. That’s why.

2. Remember that you can’t read other people’s minds.
(Unless you can, in which case you don’t need my advice.)

Do you try to read other people’s minds? Do you tell yourself their side of the conversation before you even have a conversation? Example: There’s a nice-looking person of another ethnicity standing at a bar. You think, “I want to talk to that person, but I already know that pop culture has convinced her that a person of my ethnicity isn’t worth dating. So I’m not even going to try.”

Even sadder example: You’re standing at a bar and a nice-looking person of another ethnicity walks up and starts a conversation with you. You think, “If this person were of my ethnicity, I’d think she was hitting on me. But I know, through years of conditioning by pop culture, that people of her ethnicity never hit on people of my ethnicity. Therefore, I will stand here looking uncomfortable until Ashton Kutcher pops out and yells ‘Punked!'”

How do you know what other people are thinking, before you even meet them? You don’t. If you won’t even try to hit on people, and you won’t even give them a chance to try to hit on you, then you are missing opportunities and you have no one to blame for it but yourself.

3. Some people are traumatized by interracial experiences. (Or shy.)

Let’s say you’ve been hanging out with a person of another ethnicity for a while, and you want to date him/her. Let’s say he/she doesn’t seem to be attracted to you, but is friendly. So you suspect (hope?) that he/she wants you but is reluctant to say so because of interracial trauma and trepidation.

That’s when you have to be brave and say something. Not hint something, not allude to something – but say what you want.

“So… would you like to go out some time?”

“I like you. In that way. Do you like me, too? Circle one.” [Hand him/her the paper that says YES and NO.]

“Can we have sex? Because I would really like to.”

“Can we get involved in a long-term relationship that ends up in me emotionally blackmailing you into buying me an engagement ring you can’t afford? Because I think that would be fun.”

Be honest. Come right out with it. If they say yes, awesome! If they say no – ouch. Man, that’s going to hurt your feelings. It’s going to be humiliating. But you know what? That’s how it is with your own ethnicity too, right? No one likes getting rejected, but don’t let race stop you from even trying.

4. Some people are racist.

Some people, unfortunately, won’t want to date you, even if you’re smart, funny, sexy, and awesome, because of the color of your skin. And you know what? Fuck them.

Not literally, though. I mean, forget them. They’re losers. Or, you know, they’re just not into people with your skin color. Just like other people aren’t into people who make as much money as you, or who wear the clothing size that you do, or whatever. And, hey, that’s their loss, isn’t it? Move on. Find someone better. Some day we’ll all be mixed except for the racist people, and our genes will be stronger than theirs, and they will die off and be forgotten. Or not. But, either way, don’t waste your time with people who aren’t into you, and don’t let those experiences make you feel bad about yourself.

5. Hang out with cool people who hang out with cool people.

You say you want to date outside your own ethnicity, but do you socialize with people outside your own ethnicity? If I’m purple and you’re green, and you only hang out with green people, why would I think you’d want to date me? (I’d think it’s because you have a weird purple sex fetish, actually.)

People who are already of mixed ethnicity are more likely to date outside their own ethnicity, I’d imagine. Ethnically mixed groups of friends are more likely to introduce you to lots of different kinds of people. And then, best of all, when you do hook up with someone outside your own ethnicity, your multicultural friends will be less likely to bat an eye at it.

6. Actually…

Now that I’m looking back over this advice, I’m seeing that a lot of it could also apply to non-interracial dating. So, there you go. Just treat everyone like a human being, and you should be okay.

Go find love. Or sex. Good luck. You’re welcome.

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Posted in culture, my sex life on 08/26/2006 02:29 am

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