Feelings
I miss my kids a lot. I’m ready for them to come home from their summer visitation with their dad. I miss my kids so much, it makes my uterus hurt. (Either that or it’s just normal periodical cramping.) (But still.)
I’m in Flexible Mode. That means I’m taking a break from getting pissed off when other people mess up my plans. See, normally, I have tons of plans and lists and timelines. I have to, or else nothing in my life would get done. Now, however, I’m at the mercy of contractors, movers, utility companies, and the weather. If I let myself, I could break down and cry in frustration over the sheer number of tentative plans that have been ruined so far this week. But I’m not letting myself. Because I’m in Flexible Mode, and that means that I constantly tell myself that all plans made are highly likely to change.
I can’t wait until everything gets done and I can exit Flexible Mode, and get back into Highly Controlled Mode, and therefore back into normal life.
I think Flexible Mode makes me uncomfortable because it reminds me of being a child, or a housewife. I don’t want to feel like that. I’ve been a Head of Household for six years now, and I will be for the rest of my life.
Lately, I have no Internet access at home. As you can imagine, it’s frustrating. I miss my World of Warcraft character, Xora. I wonder how she’s doing out there in that other world. Sometimes, when one of my newest plans gets changed (like when I found out yesterday that no one in Houston can move my stuff until Sunday), I think about Xora flying over the ocean on her rented hippogriff. And I wish I was her for a moment. But I can’t be. Because I have no Internet connection at home. And no cable, either. And no TV.
I kind of wish I had a cat. Sometimes I hate to be alone at night. But, then again, sometimes I like it.
I can’t wait for my kids to come home and see the new house. I miss those brats. I can’t wait for them to be here with me, riding in the car, arguing and calling each other names while we run around town. Unpacking. Cleaning. Making Jell-O. Having fun. Being a family.
