Right on Cue
Here is an email I recently received from psycho Cynthia Frankson:
This is a pretty desperate way for people to read your story as a writer you should have tried a more proffessional way to have approached it. Don’t sleep with fools!
Thanks, Cynthia. I appreciate you contributing the psycho, non-sensical perspective.
And Now, Some Positive Obsession with a Stranger
Nonsense conversation with my boyfriend about Sasha:
Me: Tad, I’m so glad you introduced me to Sasha.
Tad: I’m glad you’re glad, baby.
Me: At first, I only liked him a little. Then, he came out with stuff I liked a lot more. Then, he and I reached an understanding. He finally realized what exactly it was that I liked, and made this album just for me.
Tad: Mm. Yeah, I’m glad you like this one, baby.
Me: So, I’m sorry that I have to break up with you.
Tad: What? Why?
Me: So I can marry Sasha. And we can live together, and he can make albums for me all the time.
Tad: Shit, if you’re gonna marry Sasha, I’m gonna be right there with you. You’re not gonna be able to get rid of me.
Me: Sasha’s gonna be like, “Here’s our new house, darling. Hey, why is your ex-boyfriend here?”
Tad: And I’m gonna be like “Oh my god Sasha I love you so much please let me hang out with you guys!”
Me: And I’m gonna be like, “Sasha, Tad said ‘Standing on the Corner Watching Cars Go By’ was too long. He said you should have cut two minutes off the end.”
Tad: No!
Me: And Sasha’s gonna be like, “I made that song for you, Gwen.”
Tad: Aw, man.
Me: And then he’s gonna say, “Tad, you can stay here and watch me make albums, but only if you understand that I’m making them for Gwen. Not for you. No eighties pop shit and Miami-Vice-ass sound effects. Only hardcore bass and vibrating stuff from now on. If you can’t deal with that, you have to leave.”
Tad: I’d be down with that.
Me: Okay. You can live with us when we’re married, then. I’m gonna call him tonight.
