John Mayer Tricked Me
Tad: … and then I had to cut the toro with the ahi, and the wasabi was all saba…
Me: Baby, will you be disgusted with me if I love John Mayer?
Tad: [Laughs.] You mean, you and every other teenaged girl?
Me: I know, I know… He only acts all sensitive so he can get p**sy.
Tad: That’s right. I told you.
Me: But those songs make me want to give it to him!
Tad: Women are so gullible. It’s totally an act, and you’re falling for it.
Me: What? Come on! Did you see that video where he’s playing the guitar behind that wall, and chicks are, like, throwing their bikini tops at the speakers on the other side of the wall, but on the side where he is, women are ignoring him and guys are throwing pennies at him and stuff?
Tad: No.
Me: And then, remember when he was on Dave Chappelle?
Tad: Yeah. No, you’re right. He does seem like he might be a genuinely nice guy.
Me: I know. I like nice guys, baby. And his songs are good. You know that one Why Georgia Why? [Sing chorus, messing up that last flat/sharp/natural or whatever it is.]
Tad: Uh… I think so. Well, just buy it, then, baby. I won’t make fun of you.
Me: Wait a minute. If I started dating you because I thought you were nice, does that mean your niceness was an act and that I’m gullible? [Realize that I’m babbling on another topic and didn’t actually say this out loud. Resolve to interrogate Tad on this issue later, when he’s in tickle-torture range.]
