Sexism at My Friend’s Workplace
There’s been a lot of talk in the Blogosphere lately about women and how they keep pretending it’s sexism keeping them down, when we all know it’s really that they aren’t good at math.
A friend of mine without a blog sent me anecdotal evidence of sexism in her workplace and asked me to post it without her name. I said okay, since she is my friend, even though I found her stories hard to believe, since stuff like this never happens at my work. Then again, I’m biologically incapable of being good at math, so what do I know?
I.
Here is a typical conversation my friend might overhear about vendors and peers.
Biff: So you met John. What’s he like?
Ted: He’s all right. Seems to know what he’s talking about as far as Wind Force Erosion Variables. But I don’t like the way he tends to penalize for low sprocket test ratings.
Biff: Sheila was there, too, right? What’s she like?
Ted: She’s all right. Nice. Dressed nice. Cute. Not like some of these dykier ones you see around.
Biff: Heh heh. Yeah, like Judy.
Ted: Yeah. I’d hate to meet Judy alone in a dark alley.
Biff: Yeah. Her coworker Susie is nice, though. I’d like to get Susie on all fours.
Ted: Heh. I prefer blondes, myself. Oh, and I met Jerry, too. Jerry isn’t good at math, but I think we can work with him.
II.
Biff will flirt with you women at my friend’s workplace. If you smile and blush and act like you’re flattered by the thought of him masturbating to the thought of you, then he will be NICE to you. That means he flirts with you while he asks you to do his work, and he sends emails to your boss saying what a good little helper you are.
If you do not welcome Biff’s flirting, he will not be NICE to you. That means that he will leave extra work on your desk with condescending notes and send emails to your boss pointing out what a bad little helper you are.
Men can either flirt with Biff or not, as they choose, and they don’t ever have to do work for Biff, either way.
III.
When men do the work on the account, their names go on the file. When women do the work on an account, their names go on the file – AFTER their male boss’s name. That is because the files contain powerful magic. It takes a strong penis-bearing name to protect the working woman from that magic. This protection is necessary, because women contain wombs that bear the future of our race. In fact, a woman could bear a piece of our race’s future at any time. Therefore, they can never have their names go first on the files. It’s just too dangerous. You never know when a woman’s womb might need protection and quarantining. Penises are all-powerful. [That’s how they explained it to my friend when she asked HR why she couldn’t have her name on the file, she says.]
That’s all. If anyone else has stories of workplace sexism that they’re too scared to post or talk about for fear of losing their jobs, send them to me.
