Another Simplified Life Lesson by Gwen
or, Why Some Rich Republican Straight Men Hate Feminism
or, An Old Feminist Concept Re-Hashed for Generations Younger than Mine
Everyone says money makes the world go ‘round, but I don’t think that’s true. I think it’s actually sex.
Think about it. What do people do when they get money? They buy things and services that will attract sex partners, don’t they? Sports cars, nice clothes, lipo, hair plugs, gastrointestinal bypasses…
The old rich men get young, pretty wives, who are otherwise known as gold-diggers.
In the olden days, before feminism, you pretty much had to be a gold-digger. If you didn’t want to be a nurse or a teacher living with her parents, you had to get married. Before you got married and started emitting babies and baking chocolate cakes all the time, you wanted to make sure the guy you married would have a good job (i.e., money.) All the gals wanted the guys with money, so they had to compete. How’d they do that? By looking as pretty and being as sweet and nice as they could. Rich guys had it pretty good back then. Pretty, lazy women had it pretty good back then, too. (Well, they still do, actually.) Sure, some people married for love back then. They were referred to as “idealists” and also usually as “poor people.” Hence, they were not Republicans and that takes them out of this equation.
Then came feminism. Suddenly, it was possible for a woman to get a job other than teaching or nursing. Oh, my gosh. You know what they found out? That, if you got a job that paid better than teaching or nursing, you got more than enough money to attract a pretty, lazy man who’d be more than happy to have sex with you in exchange for gifts and rent and stuff. Or, you could just forget about men and buy a really good vibrator. Awesome!
If, one day, you had potential sex partners fawning all over you and competing for the privilege of touching your penis every single day, you’d be happy.
If, the next day, your potential sex partner pool was drastically reduced by a cultural revolution, you’d be sad.
I don’t blame the rich Republican guys for being sad about the reduction in their numbers of potential sex partners. However, I do blame them for being hateful and greedy. I know they yearn for simpler times when pretty women fought over them and less-pretty women sat home crying and writing bitter essays. But that’s just not going to happen anymore. Y’all will have to just get by with the few gold-diggers and mail-order brides who are left in the world. You shouldn’t spend your time calling feminists bitches and trying to make the workplace unpleasant for them, just because they want the same things you want. That’s just ugly.
I believe in marrying for love. Failing that, I believe in being fawned on by the handsomest young men my net worth can buy. Because I’d rather work at boring tasks for money I can spend on myself (and on my sugar babies) than work at pleasing some guy so he’ll be inclined to spend his money on me. Call me crazy, but that’s how I feel.
I know there are some women out there for whom pleasing men is way easier and more palatable than typing reports and making spreadsheets. And that’s fine. More power to them. It takes all kinds to make a world.
