Annoying Conversations with Men of a Certain Age
I.
Me: Look! I just won a prize for my latest oil painting!
Him: Wow. Yeah… I like that painting. But… I don’t think you should use oils anymore. You should use watercolors. And, I don’t really like fish. You should paint cottages, instead.
Me: Um… That’s really annoying, what you just said.
Him: What? Why are you getting mad? I thought you wanted my advice. Man. Next time I just won’t give it to you, since you obviously don’t appreciate it. Golly. That’s a really annoying habit of yours, you know.
Me: [chokes on annoyance]
II.
Me: You are the spigot master. I need your advice on some spigots I’m working on.
Him: Okay. I’ll help you if I can.
Me: Thanks. Okay – I built some spigots, and they were only emitting hydrogen. I need them to emit oxygen, instead. So, I tempered the line feeds with ball bearings, but it made the oxygen smell funny. Do you know of a way that I can make the spigots emit oxygen that doesn’t smell funny? Is there a way? Because I haven’t found one and I’m wondering if I should just move on.
Him: Hmm. Well… Hmm. Well, you could temper the line feeds with ball bearings, but that would make the oxygen smell funny. So… you should just make the spigots emit hydrogen, instead.
Me: What the hell? That’s what I just —
Him: You’re welcome. Let me know if I can help you with anything else.
