What – Friday Five again?
At first I thought these were the dumbest Friday Five questions ever, but then I kind of warmed up to them. You know how a spoonful of porn comics makes the medicine go down and all.
If you…
1. …owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
I would serve weird little foods that looked like colorful rectangular slabs. No one would be able to tell what they were made of. They’d be made of, like, shrimp and tofu and sugar and stuff. Sort of like Japanese food, but less healthy. Very expensive.
2. …owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
I would sell crafts from local artisans, plus candy and porn comics from around the world.
3. …wrote a book, what genre would it be?
The last book I wrote was short stories and personal essays. The book I’m working on now is a novel with elements of science fiction and magical realism. But in a good way — not a cheesy “Look at me, I’m the new Isabel Allende!” way. It’s gritty and sexy, too, I hope. I’ve been calling it my homage to Philip K. Dick.
4. …ran a school, what would you teach?
I would teach kids to take care of themselves. We’d have classes on self-defense, life skills and vocational training. They’d leave with the confidence to do what they wanted to do.
5. …recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
My album would be nothing but techno covers with lots of retro samples like video game noises and stuff. Some of it would be extremely danceable, and some of it would just be interesting noise.
Phew. I feel so catharsis-ized now. Don’t y’all feel all intimate with me, like you know me so much better? We should sing a song now. Y’all start.
