Why do they call them wisdom teeth when the drugs they give you while extracting them make you feel so unintelligent?
I feel like someone hit me in the chin with a rake and then sprayed my chin with liquid nitrogen. Since Friday morning I’ve had two modes of operation: cranky and drowsy. Every single person I’ve ever met called me this morning while I was trying to sleep with a Ziplock bag of ice balanced on my face. I had conversations with them all and don’t remember anything I said. Usually, though, after I said, “wisdom teeth” and “drugged up,” they had the good sense to hang up and leave me to my extremely vivid nightmares.
I do remember my doctor calling yesterday and today to see how I was doing. Weird, huh? My doctor is very beautiful, like Mimi Rogers, and she wears super-pointy shoes. She kept saying something about how my surgery was extra-long because… because I don’t know what. My teeth were stubborn? I always fall asleep before they get to that part. But I do remember that she told me to eat ice cream.
“When I’m drugged up I feel good,” I think I said, “but when the drugs wear off, I feel nauseated from all the drugs.”
“You have to force down as many calories as you can,” Mimi Rogers told me. “Eat ice cream. Don’t waste your time with clear foods, like broth. Eat ice cream. Get as many calories as you can.”
Then, I swear, right before she hung up, she said, “I’m sorry.” I demurred without knowing why. Why did she apologize? Did she mess up my mouth?
My chin is still numb. I don’t think I’m going to work tomorrow, like I was supposed to. I think I need to sleep/drug/ice/ice cream for one more day instead.
Does this entry even make sense? It’s hard for me to tell.
Forty-five minutes until Tad gets here with ice cream. “What flavor?” he asked. “No nuts. No nuts with chocolate. Chocolate with chocolate stuff,” I said. If your doctor’s going to order you to eat ice cream, you might as well do it right, even if you can’t think of the name of anything.
Three hours til I can drug up again.
This is like after you have a baby, except there’s nothing cute left over to fight with the other cute things over the Playstation 2, years later when you’re in pain because you just had your wisdom teeth removed.
