my favorite thing to say
“Make me.”
When people on TV try to tell me what to do, I just say, “Make me.”
Never mind that they can’t hear me telling them that. (Although I bet they secretly can — they’re actors. They just act like they didn’t totally get busted by my put downs.)
Never mind that half the time they aren’t even telling me to do anything. They want to, you know.
“And now we’re going to grind the garlic very carefully… before adding it to the sauce…”
“Make me.”
“Next up… What happens when you combine four regular guys with one hot girl and a tub full of chili? Find out when…”
“Make me.”
“… revolutionary new technology in cellulite reduction…”
“Make me, bitch.”
At first it made my boyfriend laugh. Then, I think it got on his nerves. But I didn’t stop saying it. I think it’s one of the most powerful things a person (even after elementary school) can say.
Make me. If I don’t want to do it, and you can’t make me do it, then I’m not going to. Yes, you can make me have to work for a living. You can make me type my son’s homework so he doesn’t get an F. You can make me fake-smile at people whose whims affect my salary. But I can’t be made to do just anything. You can’t make me buy stupid shit or buy into stupid beliefs about beauty, success, or happiness. Fuck you. MAKE ME.
You can’t, you see.
Sometimes I say it one too many times and then Tad says, “Kiss me,” because that’s what he does when he can’t do anything else. And I say, “Make me,” and he says it with me, because he knows I’m gonna say it. And then he just stands there, and that makes me want to kiss him.
So it all works out, you see.
Do what y’all want to do. Don’t let assholes run your lives.
Can you tell that I’m happy?
Despite all the recent bullshit, I am.
