Friday night at #s
Sometimes I go to #s (Numbers) with my boyfriend Tad and his friends. It’s this club that’s been in Houston since I was born and has always been a lynchpin in the “alternative” scene. We don’t dress alternatively, but I like to look at everyone who does.
For instance, there’s this one woman who always wears a military uniform and carries a riding crop with which she whips people on their butts. The first time I went to #s, Tad’s friends told me all about her and I made the mistake of running up to her and asking if she was going to whip anyone that night. She turned to me with a very stern look on her face and said, “Have you been a bad girl?”
“No, I haven’t…. I was just wondering if you were gonna…” I said. She asked me again, more sternly than before, if I had been a bad girl.
“No, I’m always good,” I said. “Ask my friends.” But she said that she could tell I’d been a bad girl and that I was in need of a spanking. Then the details got all blurry and, before I knew what was going on, she had whipped me, Tad, his friend Jorge, and several other people who were standing by. I noticed she whipped the boys harder than the girls. Especially Jorge. She whipped the crap out of him. She whipped people until a heavyset girl in a long taffeta skirt walked up to her with doleful eyes and plaintive whispers. Then the heavyset girl held on to a doorway while the uniformed woman whipped her very tenderly and very hard. Then they went away together.
I see the same people there over and over again. Or I see new people, but they very often look the same. If you want to look like the #s crowd, choose at least three items to wear from the list below. [Please note that at least 85% of your outfit should be black.]
- black fishnet hose, preferably torn
- 2-inch-wide black leather belt with silver studs and/or rings
- black trench coat
- black Doc Martens
- black lipstick
- black eyeliner
- tutu or other skirt that shows your panties (or no skirt, just panties)
- unnatural hair color
- unnatural hairstyle
- spikes
- anything reminiscent of vampires
We usually see Jennifer F. and Chris M. there. Jennifer is good because: a) she knows everybody, b) one of the bartenders is in love with her and therefore gives her free drinks and c) she showed me how to pee. (Plus, she has cool highlights.) Peeing at #s is different from peeing at IHOP or Luby’s. It’s good to pee in pairs so that your partner can hold the door closed for you or scout for extra toilet paper if necessary. Also, you should never touch the toilet seat. You should hover above it. Also, it’s acceptable and even kind of expected to make small talk with strangers in line to pee. Common topics include complimentary observations on each others’ clothing and polite inquiries on each others’ health. “Are you okay? Go puke in the trash can. I’ll hold your wand.”
They always play the same songs, but they’re good songs, so it’s okay. You can always count on hearing Front 242, Flock of Seagulls and Depeche Mode. “Rigor Mortis” makes the crowd scream and then flail all the harder.
I’ve never been on a Saturday. Only Friday nights. I never go on the dance floor. We hang around at the bar in the back corner, near the video games. Will you go and see me next time? We can watch young goth boys fall in love with boys wearing red-striped tube socks. We can count the mohawks. You can buy me a drink. I’ll introduce you to my friend Jennifer. We’ll have a good time.
